The past is a force to be reckoned with. So, I am going to avoid getting in its way in hopes that it won’t swallow me whole.

I’m not really sure how to react when I see my past rise out of the shadows like a zombie rising from its grave in a ’60s horror film. Panic. Anxiety. It’s scary and shocking. Every time it plods its way back into my life with its dreary rain cloud, I remember that it can’t rain all the time. I know that for me the past can go one of two ways: absolute chaos with a touch of backstab or it could be absolutely bittersweet with a tinge of nostalgia. Either way my reaction is all the same. Confused.

I’ll never know the ways of the universe or why it feels the need to teach me lessons. I do know, though, that not all of my reactions [to the past] have to be bad. I could make things easier on myself and make something good of my life experiences. I can make sure that I am doing my best to make things better for me and everyone around me. All I have to do is actually do it. One problem, it is so much easier to be said than it is to be done.

It is much easier to say that you’re going to try than to actually do it. It is much easier to say you’re okay than it is to speak up. Every time I try to spill my guts I end up slipping on them. Boom! Just shot that horse in the face [not literally]. Now, as much as I like to think that things in the past can work out in the future I know that sometimes they just don’t. There’s nothing you can do. Some things are just better left alone. Like talking to former friends and trying to rekindle what was once the best friendship one could possess. That situation most of the time doesn’t work out. Very rarely have I seen it done. When it does happen for me though, I end up regretting it right away. I should’ve left it alone.

That being said, no one is saying you can’t try. I’ve tried and failed. Obviously. That is just how things are though. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it back or how hard I wished for it.

However, even after how much all of those situations hurt I know I wouldn’t take anything back. I wouldn’t take any of my experiences away in hopes that I would be saving myself from some kind of pain. All of our life experiences make us who we are. If I were to completely take everything back I would have no sense of direction. With no sense of direction, you might as well sleep with the front door open.

Our experiences are us and we are our experiences. The people that have hurt us are what made us who we are and vice versa. Without them we wouldn’t really be living. What we choose to do and how we react is completely up to us.  We have to make it good. Something to remember about this is that you can’t force situations to happen. Even if we want so bad to have control, we have to admit that there is no such thing. They either do happen or don’t. Don’t panic just because something is scary or if it’s something you don’t understand. Let it happen or not.

We have to understand our past before we jump too far into the future. We as humans cannot simply expect things to be perfect in the future especially if there were problems in the past. To expect that much would be unreasonable and dangerous. This is why I get scared about the past. I have no control and most of the time there is no choices or options to choose from. I just have to try to make it good. Even if it hurts.